Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ladies don't puke and tell
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
