We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
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