i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
