Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
