So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
