He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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