bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize