you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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