last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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