The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
