Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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