You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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