Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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