the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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