Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
