Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
