so explain again why im purple
no
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
