i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize