He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
