Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
