This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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