I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
