well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize