im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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