Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
