Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
