Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
