like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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