I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
