My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
