I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
