I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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