I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
