i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
