Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
