How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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