so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
