No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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