i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
