I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
