this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
