from now on my penis is your penis
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
