Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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