Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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