i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
