for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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