Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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