I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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