i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
