I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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