Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
