Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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