i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize