So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
