nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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