I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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