There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
