I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
