Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
