even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
