A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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