Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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