she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
