I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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