One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
