went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
