just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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