Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
