I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Panties = found
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
