Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
