@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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