There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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