Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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