so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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