Can i not drive my cunt home
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
