Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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