Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
