Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
